What if you had permission to be you in your truest form?
What would your days be like if no-one were watching you? What would you do with your time? Who would you be? What would you dare think about?
Our ego loves an audience, so when we take the audience out of the equation we are left with only with ourselves…. Our deepest heart’s desires and who we truly are when you peel away all the layers.
There used to be a part of me afraid that if I didn’t have an audience I would do nothing at all…. And if that’s the truth then what kind of person did it make me? I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that there is no way I would turn into a lazy slob (my biggest fear) but no amount of “Michelle you care too much to do nothing” placated the part asking the question.
Then one day the thought popped into my mind…. Why do I think it is NOT OK to do nothing? Could the opposite be true? Could doing nothing truly be OK?
If no-one is watching, then why do I care if I am lazy? If no-one is watching then if I eat chocolate all day long in just my underwear no-one can judge.
And if I don’t care about the judgement of others then what is my reason for judging myself so harshly?…. Or even at all?
Eventually, I sat up and realised….. Like I actually sat up when I realised this (I thought it was important you knew that!)… If no-one is watching then I have full permission to be whoever I want to be.
I stopped being afraid of what I might become and started focussing on what I wanted to become. It’s quite an exciting thought process to go through, deciding only for yourself what you are going to do. It’s a full blown selfish state to be in and I highly encourage you to jump in and bask in it.
In fact I would go as far to say that if everyone in the world took the time to be completely selfish that the world would be a better place.
How so, you ask? Well, if you think on it, most of the world’s conflicts are caused when one person thinks they know better for another. This is true for massive conflict like war as well as for day to day interactions.
If we all knew about following our own guidance systems and how that was the best for us then we would trust that others would do the same. Everyone would self regulate and thus there would be no need to argue.
Let’s say you want to go to the beach but your husband doesn’t want to spend his Sunday like that, because he wants to play computer games on his only day off. The way it rolls at the moment with everyone trying to placate everyone else while still secretly desiring their own things, your husband might tell a small lie to deflect his real intention (knowing you disapprove of his chosen activity). “I am going to stay home and mow the lawn. You go though…”
You can sense the mis-truth but you can’t argue with it because you really just want to argue over the fact that his desires are WRONG.
I won’t detail the resulting argument, I am sure you already know how it rolls.
Let’s flip it. You are self aware and so is he. And being self aware you know how important it is to honour yourself to the extent that you need to tell the truth.
You say, “Im going to the beach, do you want to come?”
He says, “no but thanks for thinking of me. I have a game I really want to play. “
You say, “Bugger, I haven’t seen you much, I miss you and want to spend some time together.”
He says, “I’ve been thinking the same. You do the beach, I’ll do my game and how about we go out for dinner tonight?”
Everyone is 100% honest as well as transparent with their feelings and motivations (because they have done the work to be self aware).
It sounds like a fairy tale, but it is possible to communicate like this. Our problem as a society is that we all have judgements on others and fears that we will be judged in return… But it could be different.
It took failure for me to understand this freedom. In episode 29 of Purpose Balance & Burnout I tell my story of how it evolved.